Hmmmmm is what i have to say today!
Sitting here doing lots of thinking since just after 2 am. Not always a good thing :)
Well i don't understand how my friends and family can find "him" and know his whereabouts yet the ones that are suppose to be looking for him cant find him! Something wrong with this picture!
Does my life and well being not mean anything? Am I not "important" enough? Just a couple things I wonder. Yet lets say (I hope it never happens) Its your daughter/son living the way I am...hmmmm betcha something would be getting done then wouldn't it!Betcha their calls would take top priority wait they probably wouldn't even have been put in this situation because he would have never been released from jail! There would have been no 10,000 bond yes you read that right! TEN THOUSAND dollars yet no one is being held responsible for that either!
So why do the courts put a bail on someone if they aren't going to be held responsible? Why does a criminal have to have a surety if they don't have to follow the rules and are not being held responsible! i don't understand this at all!! I need answers yet no one can give them to me!!! Does anyone have answers to this??? Please feel free to share!
Why charge and put a bail and stipulations on someone if they know and EVERYONE knows they can get away with doing what they want anyways!!!
Does not seem fair to me at all and all i get told is to move again to protect myself and that I need to live with tons of safety precautions put in place....so basically live like i don't live and hide....
Because the way I fee right now is if he does show up here what good is it to make that call are they gonna show up? Tomorrow is a week so really...what good will it do me?
So what am i suppose to do now? Sit here and wait? Fight back? I know write my blogs! Get awareness, get it out there and let people know! Let someone else know they are not alone and hopefully help at least one person (my main reason for doing this!)
With the awareness thru the Internet for so many things why is there nothing to protect a victim other then going to a "safe" place (done it), relocate (have a few times), give up (been there a few times), ask for help (would help if they showed).
So best thing to do is bring awareness to the situation and let others know they are NOT alone. My heart goes out to anyone else dealing with anything like this and I just want to hug them and let them know things will be OK and they can do this! Just like people have with me!
I cant thank my friends enough or my family for everything they have done for me and continue to do!!! I don't know where I would be with out yous! Each and everyone of yous! New and old! Every ones positive feed back and even negative feed back I have received from haters (you are just burning a fire under my ass and making me fight back harder so please continue) :)
That's my vent for the moment maybe back with more after who knows what the day will bring today. Its gonna be a good day because I have to make it that way. SO off to do some dishes and a bit of cleaning then some much needed R&R today.
Thank you again to everyone who reads this. To the people I don't know and to the ones I do know.
If you are in any form of an abusive relationship, ask for help, talk to someone you trust! You deserve the best life has to offer!!! Get out and be safe or getting out of one...HUG yourself and know that there will be brighter days ahead and be proud of yourself for walking away. You deserve so much more! <3
And just remember this is only my opinion and my feelings. Thanks again
Thursday 1 August 2013
Tuesday 30 July 2013
In my defense but once again Just my opinion
Well, since i made the last note and made it "viral" I have received quite a bit of feedback. A LOT of it positive but of course you have that "rotten apple" in every group and yep it was pretty harsh. So I will once again not publish any names or share the exact message as this person does NOT need to recieve any recognition what so ever!!!
Well first off, thank you everyone for your kind words and being there! Its truly nice to know what wonderful people i have in my life! Thank you for being you!
Now for a few they say to stand tall and do it back or carry on with my life like normal....a lot easier said then done.
- feeling of anxiety: an unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger
- frightening thought: an idea, thought, or other entity that causes feelings of fear
- reverence: respect or awe for somebody or something
Now onto the lovely (sarcastic) messages I received. I will answer the majority of the things that were put to me.
No I did not ask for this! Am I partly responsible (you say i caused it) maybe. Maybe trying to care about someone and make things work or "love" someone is a reason to say i am responsible. Are criminals family and friends responsible for the criminals actions? Because they know them?
You say i asked for this for leaving him! Well, there is a reason for that! Every breakdown in a relationship has its reasons. Controlling a persons every move is not a relationship. And besides he wrote me a lovely eviction notice so I left! It was not a good relationship for either of us and I def needed to leave! So in time with a bit of courage I left! Thanks to a lot of special people in my life for getting me out of there! I lost almost everything I owned and had worked my whole life for BUT I am slowly rebuilding my life once again with help from amazing people in my life new and old As for saying Its my fault because I had him charged....well in the first place I never wanted him charged I just wanted him to stop and leave me alone. That wasnt happening. He is a very intimidating "man". The police charged him once again NOT me! Do you think i wanted to have to constantly relive everything that he did and caused! HELL NO!!! Do I enjoy being in total lock down other then the rare time I HAVE to leave my home...HELL NO. Pretty bad when i have to count on others to go get my groceries for me!
So to answer one final question to this ignorant person (I truly hope you read this and feel like shit like you made me feel) NO I do not deserve any of this! I am a human being and deserve RESPECT! I am not the monster you and him are! Does someone deserve to be robbed? Does someone Deserve to be beaten? Does someone deserve to be murdered? NO to all the above so what makes you think i asked for this or deserved any of this? I would not even wish this on you or him! I truly hope you NEVER have to go thru any of this in your life time! And some day I hope the piece of ass from him that you are trying to get is worth it hunny because I am not the first one he has done this too and IF I dont stop him who will and it could be to late for the next person! And that I can not live with on my conscious!
So, on that note I do belive I will continue to write my "notes" as it does seem to releave a bit of my stress and a way to vent I guess but in a good way I know I said a few things not so nice in this one but trust me I held alot back as well!
IF you or anyone you know are in any form of an abusive relationship or going thru anything on these lines please reach out to someone you dont have to do it alone!!! And I am always willing to make new friends and help where I can!
Thank you for taking the time to read this and be there for me!!!
Much love And remember this is just my feelings and opinion :)
Just my opinion
Before I begin, THIS IS MY OPINION and that's it.
Some of you know what i have been going through in the past year and 1 day to be exact. Some of yous don't. I have a stalker. Plain and simple. Yes it is an ex. Yes I want this over and done with.
What has taken complete control of my life in the past year and 1 day is unbelievable. I am afraid to leave my home. Have had to move multiply times 7 times to be exact now going to have to go to 8 times. I was "told" to not live with family (I was) as I am putting them in danger. Not to live with anyone as once again I am putting them in danger. I have been placed in a "safe place" for 6 weeks under 24 hour watch. To PROTECT me and my family and friends. But geesh where do I go now? YES he fled from court yes he was charged for uttering death threats and criminal harassment. BUT he is able to do as he pleases! Yep he found me AGAIN! GREAT eh? Better part of it is I contacted local police Friday at 3 pm! Hmm Its now Sunday at 1:16 pm and I have yet to see anyone! They are the ones that told me I need to be very careful and informed me of a safety plan YET He's still driving around and I am stuck wonder what do I do? Do I move to a whole new city, province or just relocate homes again? Do I have someone come "babysit" me to PROTECT me? Or do I just walk outside and wait for him to come get me?
There is nothing worse then being afraid for your life, your families and friends! Especially when you are the cause of all this (in a way). Yep I choose to be with him and that was the biggest mistake of my life!
The past 4 strokes were caused from stress....You think? And doctors, etc keep telling me to remove stress from my life...really how would you like me to do that when the ones that are suppose to keep me safe aren't here???
Is my stress level huge right now YES Do i jump at each and every sound Your damn right!
Many of yous have offered me a "safe" place to stay. But reality is we live in a very small city and if the police cant show up in the first place why would I want to put anyone else in danger? I truly appreciate all the offers but I WILL NOT jeopardize anyone else.
After a year and a day basically on "house arrest" I sit here and wonder how much longer I have to live like this and how much longer I can continue this. Yep its depressing, yes its lonely, its the fear kicks in a lot.
I often over think and re think everything! Lots of time on my hands to do this!
How can a "criminal" be allowed to walk free and the "victim" has to suffer. Why did I have to be placed in a "safe" house and under 24 hour watch (felt like jail to me and that I was the one that did something wrong) How many other "victims" feel the same way as I do? What can I do to change this? I am only one person.
So I decided to air my "dirty laundry" here on Facebook. Not for sympathy but so maybe someone else going threw anything like this doesn't feel alone like I do. This has been the loneliest i have ever felt! Not that I don't have family and friends but I cant live a normal life. Cant just go for a walk when i want. Safety plan has to be in effect. Dont go anywhere alone, don't do this don't do that blah blah blah. I understand this is to once again PROTECT me. Move every time he finds me. Really??? Who's gonna pay for this? Wait I have to. I have not worked since November 12 when I took the 3rd stroke so where would you like me to get the money to pay for a move constantly. Why do i have to keep moving? Arrest him! He has 3 warrants out for his arrest yet is still able to be free.
In the past year I have been called so many things by "people" that know him and have had to let some really good friends go. Well for one I never pressed charges the police did. Two if he did nothing wrong then why did he not show up to trial??? Maybe you should be asking yourself that one!!! Three why are you still trying to be friends with me IF i am such a horrible person?
I now know why so many people do not charge someone as the "victim" is treated like a criminal!!!
I have people do my shopping for me. I do leave my home when I get brave enough. BUT it takes a lot of energy out of me to open that door. YET even tho once again he has warrants out for his arrest he can do as he pleases! Doesn't seem fair to me!
I know I have rambled on a lot here. But once again I will state this is my opinion. And I have withheld his name as he has "rights" you know. But I don't! Wheres the justice in that?
And once again for all of yous that have been there threw all this with me THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!! Your love and support has meant the world to me!
So I will ask each and everyone that reads this...What would you do in my shoes or what do you think I should do as I am at a complete lose now.
Some of you know what i have been going through in the past year and 1 day to be exact. Some of yous don't. I have a stalker. Plain and simple. Yes it is an ex. Yes I want this over and done with.
What has taken complete control of my life in the past year and 1 day is unbelievable. I am afraid to leave my home. Have had to move multiply times 7 times to be exact now going to have to go to 8 times. I was "told" to not live with family (I was) as I am putting them in danger. Not to live with anyone as once again I am putting them in danger. I have been placed in a "safe place" for 6 weeks under 24 hour watch. To PROTECT me and my family and friends. But geesh where do I go now? YES he fled from court yes he was charged for uttering death threats and criminal harassment. BUT he is able to do as he pleases! Yep he found me AGAIN! GREAT eh? Better part of it is I contacted local police Friday at 3 pm! Hmm Its now Sunday at 1:16 pm and I have yet to see anyone! They are the ones that told me I need to be very careful and informed me of a safety plan YET He's still driving around and I am stuck wonder what do I do? Do I move to a whole new city, province or just relocate homes again? Do I have someone come "babysit" me to PROTECT me? Or do I just walk outside and wait for him to come get me?
There is nothing worse then being afraid for your life, your families and friends! Especially when you are the cause of all this (in a way). Yep I choose to be with him and that was the biggest mistake of my life!
The past 4 strokes were caused from stress....You think? And doctors, etc keep telling me to remove stress from my life...really how would you like me to do that when the ones that are suppose to keep me safe aren't here???
Is my stress level huge right now YES Do i jump at each and every sound Your damn right!
Many of yous have offered me a "safe" place to stay. But reality is we live in a very small city and if the police cant show up in the first place why would I want to put anyone else in danger? I truly appreciate all the offers but I WILL NOT jeopardize anyone else.
After a year and a day basically on "house arrest" I sit here and wonder how much longer I have to live like this and how much longer I can continue this. Yep its depressing, yes its lonely, its the fear kicks in a lot.
I often over think and re think everything! Lots of time on my hands to do this!
How can a "criminal" be allowed to walk free and the "victim" has to suffer. Why did I have to be placed in a "safe" house and under 24 hour watch (felt like jail to me and that I was the one that did something wrong) How many other "victims" feel the same way as I do? What can I do to change this? I am only one person.
So I decided to air my "dirty laundry" here on Facebook. Not for sympathy but so maybe someone else going threw anything like this doesn't feel alone like I do. This has been the loneliest i have ever felt! Not that I don't have family and friends but I cant live a normal life. Cant just go for a walk when i want. Safety plan has to be in effect. Dont go anywhere alone, don't do this don't do that blah blah blah. I understand this is to once again PROTECT me. Move every time he finds me. Really??? Who's gonna pay for this? Wait I have to. I have not worked since November 12 when I took the 3rd stroke so where would you like me to get the money to pay for a move constantly. Why do i have to keep moving? Arrest him! He has 3 warrants out for his arrest yet is still able to be free.
In the past year I have been called so many things by "people" that know him and have had to let some really good friends go. Well for one I never pressed charges the police did. Two if he did nothing wrong then why did he not show up to trial??? Maybe you should be asking yourself that one!!! Three why are you still trying to be friends with me IF i am such a horrible person?
I now know why so many people do not charge someone as the "victim" is treated like a criminal!!!
I have people do my shopping for me. I do leave my home when I get brave enough. BUT it takes a lot of energy out of me to open that door. YET even tho once again he has warrants out for his arrest he can do as he pleases! Doesn't seem fair to me!
I know I have rambled on a lot here. But once again I will state this is my opinion. And I have withheld his name as he has "rights" you know. But I don't! Wheres the justice in that?
And once again for all of yous that have been there threw all this with me THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!! Your love and support has meant the world to me!
So I will ask each and everyone that reads this...What would you do in my shoes or what do you think I should do as I am at a complete lose now.
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